Are you one of those sad sacks who got nothing but lumps of coal in your stocking? Well, you can console yourself with the thought that, as bad as it is, you could be worse off. For example, you could be:
Uriel, the alleged gang member;
Cynthia, the misguided investment banker; or, worst of all,
Issac Robert Toussie, the...... real estate developer.
Meli kalikimaka, y'all!